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Rory Hayes

I wanted to let you know about Rory Hayes, an artist who overdosed at age 34 and died in 1983. His work appeared in such comix as Insect Fear, Skull, Snatch and others. He also put out his own comic, Bogeyman, in 1968. Gary Arlington published it and Hayes worked for him at The San Francisco Book Company. His style is similar to Art Brut. You can look at a 5 page gallery of his work here.

Harry The Dog

I know a dog named Harry who likes to bite your feet, if you're male and standing. But while you're seated he is a sweet pup. Anyway, last night I created what might be the audio to one of Harry's nightmares.

Download Harry's Nightmare

My First Black Metal Show

Last night, my good friend Wm. M Berger, DJ extraordinaire on WFMU, brought me to see Bone Awl and Akitsa play at Fontana's in NYC. I had never seen music like this played live and although much beer was spilled on me, and I got punched in the stomach, I had a great time. The vocalist for Akitsa had the most amazing range I've ever heard and besides some idiots near the front the crowd was very cool. The genre is new to me and I've been listening to a lot of great stuff, spanning decades. But I may just have to attend another of these soul searing shows, if I can't find the right outlet for my rage, at least I can watch O.T. do it for me.

The Iranian Election and Protest

You know, I really like that song "Brandy" by Looking Glass.

Thirty Years?

Some scientists say we only have about 30 years left before the hurricanes, tidal waves, earthquakes and other "Natural" disasters destroy our environment so badly that millions will die, this all being a result of global warming.

I don't know about you, but I'm going to study the history of medieval medicine, smoke large amounts of marijuana, travel a lot; both in these states and beyond. I'm going to have orgies to shame the Romans and garden tea parties on Saturday afternoons. Going to eat a lot of bacon. And cheese. There are some 60's undergrounds I haven't read yet, along with the remainder of Thorndike's History of Magic and Experimental Science, some more Sturgeon, more Disch. I'll go swimming in the Atlantic and mock it for not killing me when it had the chance. And I think I'll be spending Halloween in New Orleans from now on, and Christmas in Saudi Arabia, Arbor Day in Bloomfield, NJ.

When the shit of the world hits the fan I'll be around 75, which is a stretch anyway. So tonight I'm going to party like it's 2039...

Fear of Strangers, and Their Deaths

We live in a fairly "civilized" country, most of the time passing a stranger on the street is inconsequential. But deep down is a fear and hatred for strangers that we may suppress in its most savage form, but that shows itself in little ways every day in the play of society. Much has been written about the fear of touching strangers, and I find it interesting that cities with large populations have over come this as a rule, since they push against one another daily in subways at rush hour. However, the gaze between two strangers can tell much. Even a smile can mask one's contempt.

We have certain unwritten rules which make life here free of violence for the most part, but there are times when strangers will fight over something trivial, mostly because their strangeness towards one another dictates that they be the victor, a need left over from more brutal living situations.

But watch a stranger die, or even be critically injured, and all that mistrust goes out the window. Almost anyone will come to the aid of a stranger in need, perhaps it makes one feel important to help, but also they fear the possibility of the same thing happening to them. If one sees the remains of a fatal car crash, there is fascination, but also the chilling reminder that the bell tolls for thee.

All animals are strangers to man, until they become friends or foes. Sometimes humans will take years before really trusting another, some will never. Everyone is a stranger to some degree, including themselves. Strangers may cause harm, so we tend to avoid them, but actually it is the friend, the spouse, the relative who causes more heartache and pain than any stranger ever could.

Pain and Memory

I have had a pinched nerve in my shoulder for two weeks. There have been times when it was so painful that I merely decided that my existence was Jed+ pain, a new animal. Once accepted, I was able to function much better. Memories of past ailments made it hard to get by at times, because they carry such trauma that they invade the current error in your body and add to whatever bothers you, the fear of pain getting worse is what makes it difficult to go about your business.

They say a burnt child is afraid of fire. I try to avoid obvious dangers, but sometimes pain is the only route to solving a larger issue. Emotional pain, which resonates every day depending on your history, carries so many stories that can be referred to easily like looking up an entry in your own personal encyclopedia. Some memories are embellished but i believe that's just a way for an individual to take a closer look at their trauma and learn to live with it, the largest of these being the realization that no one but our parents, are our parents.

Avoiding pain because of painful memories can lead to long bouts of denial and ultimately more suffering than if one accepts that pain is, if not a friend that warns you, at least a fact of life which should be dealt with when it happens, in order to be less tense which makes everything worse. I'm not talking about terminal illness, where the pain is unimaginable, I'm all for drugs to help those whose pain I can't relate to. But living with a pinched nerve, annoying as it is, is not something which one should allow to color their day.

The terror embedded in one's psyche never disappears, the memories play them selves out with different endings which make one feel satisfied, but often behavior is repeated. When you finally dull your memories enough you will find yourself acting less like a burnt child afraid of fire.

I almost drowned in a riptide a few years ago, and the memory of it still shocks me. But I have no fear of going back into the ocean. I am careful, but I don't assume the same thing will happen again, just because I didn't like it. Pain is a warning, I was told as a child, that something is wrong. In that sense it is a friend that prompts you to investigate further.

Overall, I think pain is not meaningless, even if it has warned you to fix a problem which might cause more pain, it also creates empathy, sympathy and living with it when it takes time to get better, makes one learn patience. Also, if you ever drift into a state where you're not sure if life is real, physical pain will correct that in short order.

Communication Gadgets

You probably own one. I'm sorry. You no longer have enough solitude to have a relationship with yourself. The basic human need to connect with other people has become an addictive obsession which has evolved into an aversion to be alone with one's thoughts, even for a moment. I observe people drooling over them every day. I recently took a nice hike in upstate New York, only to have it ruined by hearing an idiotic ring pierce the sounds of nature and a woman shrieking something about beer.

I don't own a cell phone. On a recent trip I found it convenient to have access to my friend's, but convenience has become some sort of goal at all costs, even when it backfires. There are too many examples to list here, but in general it creates a laziness which makes people very spoiled and unwilling to do some pretty simple, minor things.

Watching people text with their mouths hanging open is like some satire of the future. I miss people. Whatever is walking around is more akin to self important mental patients.

I like the reverse of the old adage "Necessity is the mother of invention". I believe if they invent it, you will end up needing it. TVs in cars, ipods, blackberries, cell phones that play music and take photos...I don't care if they have created new ways to have "fun". They are soulsuckers.

I am not a technophobe. Obviously I have a computer, and a number of modern conveniences. I just think there's a limit to how much you need to avoid yourself.